Baby Love
by pinkpower
Summary: Bella and Edward, in order to teach Jacob and Nessie a lesson, present them with a fake baby, much to Nessie's annoyance. JacobxRenesmee oneshot


**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.**

You know something's up when you're handed a battery-operated infant at the age of six.

Leave it to my parents to completely overreact about Jacob and me sharing a simple kiss as our date ended on a normal Friday night. We had been dating for only a little while, and already Mom and Dad couldn't stand the idea of their only child hopping in bed with the guy she was going to be with the rest of her life. Honestly, I was _only _six years old in human years, but physically I must have been sixteen. Mentally, however, I was probably just as smart as Grandpa Carlisle, but as far as me being ready for sex, let alone 'the talk'—well—I wasn't ready to test anything from my fantasies of Jacob, so I didn't know what my parents were so worried about.

Mom gently took my arm, leading me inside while Dad just tugged Jacob, and pushed him on the couch. I sat down next to him, looking at both of my parents with an unknowing mind, looking back and forth between Mom's concerned expression to Dad's seriously pissed off one. Unable to comprehend these looks, I glanced at Jacob, which was no help at all. He just shrugged.

I should have known when Emmett's obnoxious laughter startled me from behind. He sat on the loveseat diagonal from Jacob and I. The look on his face was the one he always gets when he's either about to watch a really funny movie or someone make a touchdown.

"Renesmee, Jacob, lately you two have been getting rather close—maybe intimate is the better word," Mom began, clasping her hands awkwardly. "Of course, both Edward and I are aware of the fact that you two will one day to take your relationship further, and we agreed to be respectful of your decision, but-"

"Correction, love. You _forced_ me to respectful of their decision." Yeah. Gross, right? The only way Mom could ever agree to force Dad into anything was threaten that there would be no late-night sex. Dad, then, looked down at Jacob with glaring black eyes. "Personally, mongrel, I would rather rip your throat off if you even _think_ about putting your muddy paws on my daughter."

"_Edward_!" Mom glowered at him.

Then it clicked.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! You are not giving me the talk, are you?" I got up from the couch, infuriated that my own parents would think I would do such a thing before I was ready. Like my Dad, I thought abstinence to marriage was more suitable approach to such a step.

Jacob rolled his eyes, getting up with me. "Yeah. . . Thanks, but Billy already gave me the talk years ago. You're a little too late, Pops." He chuckled, playfully smacking Dad on the back.

Dad growled at the close proximity. "Filthy mutt. Do me a favor and control your thoughts."

"Um, Bells. A little help here, please?" Jacob asked. She obliged, projecting her shield on his mind.

I blushed, as I knew what that obviously implied. Jacob and I most definitely shared a deep connection that was much more than a regular imprint. But, we only had just begun to be physically attracted to one another, due to my rapid aging and growth that had come to a halt just recently.

"Anyway," Mom continued, "we both just want you to know the risks of sex—especially the fact that you, Renesmee, might very well be able to get pregnant."

"Yeah, and you definitely don't want to make the same mistake Ed and Bella did," Emmett chimed in.

"Gee, thanks, Uncle Em. Always trying to boost my self-esteem," I replied, sarcasm dripping from my tone.

"Anytime, Nessie," he nodded.

"So, we bought you a battery-operated baby that might help you keep your priorities—rather your responsibilities—in order." Dad said, as Alice came into the room with a fake baby in her hands. He shoved it in Jacob's arms.

Jacob held it by the arm, confused at why there was a doll put in his care. "Whose idea was this?"

"Mine," Emmett answered, chuckling uncontrollably.

"_Traitor_," I hissed, grabbing the now-crying toy from Jacob, rocking it in my arms.

And that's how life went on for the next two months. The thing pooped, peed, cried, and all the stuff real kids did. I was thankful it was summer, so I wouldn't have to miss out on any school. Sadly, Jacob had a job and pack to take care of while I was stuck at home with the baby. Many times, I thought about just chucking it out the window, but somebody from my treacherous family always reminded me of my responsibilities of being a parent.

WERE THEY CRAZY?!

They often forget that I'm not actually that kind of person to go off and have sex at any given time. Sure, Jacob's often being shirtless sparked my curiosity, but I didn't have the guts to even try anything beyond a kiss. We haven't even slipped in the tongue yet. Our relationship was pretty innocent. Thus, the need for an experimental infant was not only insulting to my strong convictions, but completely pointless.

They were probably just torturing me for the fun of it.

On the other hand, when Jacob wasn't working or with the pack, he stayed at the cottage with me and the plastic nuisance, treating it like a real child without any complaints, or at least nothing he would share. Surprising, really. He took this so seriously while I continued to complete how I could get rid of it when no one was looking.

Which was how I found myself one very late night after returning from a hunt with good, ole Aunt Rosalie who thought my parents who were equally ridiculous. She dashed away, as I entered the cottage to see Jacob passed out on the couch with that stupid toy on his stomach. It was sort of a cute picture to walk in on, since my boyfriend was drooling and snoring heavily. Not to mention, this was something I hoped to encounter someday in our future, but only with a real child.

I walked over to him, whispering softly into his ear. "Jacob."

He stirred, shooting up from the couch like a bolt of lightning. "I'm up, I'm up! Is everything okay? What about the baby? Do you need sleep, Nessie? Want me to get you something?"

"Jacob. Shut up." I ordered, stifling a laugh. "You're acting just as idiotic as Mom and Dad." I took attempted to take the doll from his arms, but he only held tighter with a protective stance. "You have got to be kidding me! It's not even real!"

"So? This could one day be very real, and we need as much practice as we can get," he scowled, and the thing started crying.

"First of all, by the time we have a real baby, I'll be ready for parenthood and we'll be married. Two, the stupid object isn't alive. It has batteries that I can take out. Third, I do appreciate the one day you'll make a great father, but I refuse to let my parents—and Emmett—torture us with a pretend child." I pleaded my case.

We've had this argument a lot lately. I really did want to have a few kids one day with Jacob, and yes, practice would be good, but I wasn't ready for something that serious yet. Why couldn't anyone just get that?

Jacob sighed, looking at the doll, and reluctantly handed it over.

Victory!

Before I could throw it to the ground, Dad took it from my hands.

"Damnation! This hideous thing can be heard from five miles away!" To my shock and utter relief, he smashed it the ground and the crying stopped. He looked to Jacob. "Don't. Even. Think. About. It."

With that, Dad disappeared, leaving Jacob and I alone.

"What?" I questioned quirking an eyebrow. "What did he mean?"

"Sorry, but I like it when you put your foot down. You're sexy when you're angry." He smiled suggestively. He wrapped his arms around me, leaning in.

I rolled my eyes. "No _way_. That's what got us into this mess in the first place."

I kissed him anyway.


End file.
